Anxiety Sucks

I’m not crazy about the title either, but it’s how I feel. Believe me, I could come up with stronger adjectives.

Since Covid, I’ve had to do most of my writing on the weekends. This post is coming to you from a hotel in downtown Greenville. I’ve been traveling a lot lately,

JP’s had a terrible time with his anxiety. It started a few weeks ago when he threw up over at his dad’s parents’ house. Throwing up has always been a major fear for him. A phobia, really. I’m gonna spare you the not-so-delicious details, but I drove over (at an ungodly hour) to bring him home.

The events of that night hurled him into a very dark emotional hole.

He’s yet to recover.

Social media is funny. I am so blessed to get to travel around and write/post about what I’m doing. I really do love it, but there’s so much you don’t get to see.

Take this weekend for example…

I stayed at the Aloft Hotel Downtown Greenville to write a story about the relaunching of their pet adoption program. (Such a cool program. I’ll post that story when it’s published.)

Via Instagram and Facebook stories, you guys saw a crisp, clean hotel room, amazing city views and mouth watering food. (Thank you Cantina76 + Nosedive + Tupelo Honey)

What you didn’t see was the heartache I felt leaving my house Friday afternoon. There’s no way to capture that on camera.

JP was in the middle of a panic attack, tears streaming down his cheeks, asking me not to leave.

You also didn’t see me post about how I cried all the way to the hotel and had to wash my face and pray before I could leave my room to take photos.

I was a mess for well over an hour. The masks didn’t help. All anyone could see were my eyes – puffy and red.

My appearance didn’t exactly scream professionalism. Eventually I managed to pull myself together.

No one wants to see that mess on social media. I don’t add that to my story.

But it’s real. And it’s hard.

A couple of years ago, I made the decision to take JP off his medications. He was unmedicated about six months before I started him on CBD.

I’ll share more about our natural journey in another post, but it’s been a godsend. A miracle.

JP brings so much joy to my life. He’s kind and compassionate. Funny and creative. Intelligent and curious. He has a quick wit and makes me (belly) laugh every day.

I cannot imagine life without him, but his struggle with anxiety wrecks my heart.

Someone once told me…

It’s true.

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