The Broken Me

This was a meme that popped up on my Facebook page a while back. I laughed out loud when I read it, but boy does it ring true!

I need to apologize to those who met me or hung around me in 2012-2014. I was broken.

Really broken.

I’ve never really written about my divorce here. The truth is, divorce hurts more than just the husband and wife. A few of my ex’s family members read this blog and I’ve always tried to be sensitive to their feelings. (They are wonderful people and I love them dearly).

I think enough time has passed though. My heart has long been healed and I would love to help others who are coasting down the lonely road of a shattered marriage. I use the word coast because it’s about all you can do.

At least in my case.

I was never in control of the car. My baggage was heavy and there was a screaming kid in the back seat. (More on that in another post).

Heartbroken and directionless. That was me. There’s no GPS for this trip. No instruction manual in the glove compartment.

I am forever grateful for the circle of friends and family who supported me during that time. I even met a handful of new people who I hope to share a forever bond with. Trauma and grief have a way of fusing people together.

But I do need to apologize. I was a crazy woman for the better part of three years. An emotional wreck. I had zero to offer.

I know couples get divorced every day, but I was caught completely off guard.

I woke up one morning to an explosion of betrayal that I didn’t see coming. No warning signs.

One day I was happily married, and the next I’m laying face down (literally) in the middle of the kitchen floor begging God to show me what went wrong.

Have you been there? I hope not. It’s a miserable place to be.

No matter what road you’re on, I hope you’ve found your people.

I hope you’ve found people who are willing to take the wheel when you’re unable to drive. People who make it their mission to keep you moving in the right direction.

The people who will save your life.

I’m no longer broken. I’m better.

I wouldn’t wish divorce on my worst enemy, but I’m thankful for all that I’ve learned.

The biggest, most important lesson is this. My happiness cannot be contingent upon the presence and/or love of another human being.

We’re promised nothing in this life. True joy is found in one place.

Jesus.

Everything (and everyone) else is just an added bonus.

Okay, I’m tired now. It’s late at night, remember? The only time my brain is focused enough to write.

Stay tuned, tho. I have so much more to say.

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